November 3, 2007

Mariam El Hazael began working for Yedid eight years ago, when her husband remarried, leaving her alone with their 10 children. She still is criticized for working outside the home, but her job enables her to survive and to provide her children with a higher education.

“If we keep tradition and go according to our leaders,” said Hazael, “we will never advance.”

El Hazael spoke at a ground-breaking symposium last week entitled Men and Women’s Round Tables Project: Modern Means of Discussing Social Issues. SHATIL and Ma’an, the Forum of Bedouin Women’s Organizations in the Negev sponsored the symposium.  The Round Tables project, which is the first of its kind, brought Bedouin men and women together to discuss the changing status of Bedouin women.

In her welcoming remarks, Yarona Ben Shalom, co-director of SHATIL’s Beer Sheva office, said: “This isn’t a Bedouin project, it’s a universal project. Everywhere in the world now, there are issues about the roles of women and of men. In a round table, everyone is equal and dialogue and discussion happen on an equal footing. You are pioneers. It is an honor to be even a small part of your breakthrough.”

Safa Shehada, director of Ma’an, said, “There was a lot of fear about this project on the part of the men. Polygamy was a burning issue.” Despite the fear and the disagreements, the atmosphere at the symposium was lively and respectful.

Participants noted that this was the first time Bedouin men and women were able to discuss the issue of polygamy, which is considered taboo.

Although there were sharp disagreements between the sexes, “the important thing is that people are starting to talk about the issue,” said Shechde Al Jebor, a social worker and Round Tables participant.

Naamah El Sana, a mother of four, member of the Association for the Advancement of Women in Lakiya and a project participant, said: “I never expected academic men to have heads like our grandfathers’. I thought they would be more modern. I thought the negotiations with them would be easier. They weren’t. They still believe men have to rule, to make all the decisions.

“The first meeting with the men was hard,” El Sana said. “One man said, ‘I have three wives. They’re happy with me. I’m happy with them. You want to turn the world upside down!”

Hanan El Sana, an activist with Sidreh, a Bedouin women’s economic empowerment NGO, accused men of using religion to justify polygamy. “The Prophet said you could marry more than one woman, but we exploit that. The Koran says if you marry more than one woman, you treat them equally, but that’s not what happens. Both men and women are hurt by a second marriage. It goes against tradition to abolish it, but we have to examine it, to look at the problems it causes, to look at the women, to see the advantages of abolishing it.”

Abir Fana, a community worker, said 80 percent of the families that come to the welfare offices and are in dire socio-economic straits, are polygamous. She added that many honor killings could be prevented through dialogue such as that promoted by the Round Tables.

“We have to find a balance between tradition and progress,” she said.

Kaid Abu Freih, the symposium co-moderator and an engineer and activist who participated in the Round Table, said it was an important process and helped men to understand women’s problems and to “see the other side.”

Ma’an’s Safa Shehada concluded: “There is agreement that this discussion is necessary and has to be broadened. Everyone must experience it.”