Yesterday was the 19th anniversary of the assassination of Prime Minister Yitzchak Rabin. I imagine that this day weighs on many of you as a painful reminder of the ongoing brokenness in the country we care for so deeply.

This anniversary definitely weighs on me—but the weight is one of soul searching and introspection rather than a weight of despair. Nineteen years ago I was nineteen years old, and it was my second year living in Jerusalem and studying in yeshiva. As much as it embarrasses me to admit it, I was not a supporter of the peace process back then. I actually participated in anti-Oslo demonstrations on a fairly regular basis among people who held signs naming Rabin as a “traitor.” While always a strong believer in non-violence, I felt personally implicated in Rabin’s death because the warning signs of hatred and violence were manifestly present, and I ignored them as did so many others in the community with which I affiliated.

I share this personal story for two reasons. The first relates to the New Israel Fund, the organization that connects us all. The existence of NIF is one of the important reasons that I was able to remain connected to Israel after such a devastating experience that punctured my sense of hope for the country’s future and also challenged my most deeply held beliefs. NIF introduced me to a community of honest, passionate activists who actually advanced a more just Israel with every partnership and program.

More importantly, I share this story because after a long period of almost debilitating self-reflection post Rabin’s assassination, I decided to respond to my own sense of guilt and despair by committing to being more open-minded, open-hearted and self-reflective about my relationship with Israel. Each year around the anniversary of Rabin’s death, I ask myself what I have done to make Israel a better place, a place that would be less likely to allow the assassination of Rabin today.

With the surfacing of so much latent hatred and racism in Israel this summer, it is hard to believe that a thing like the assassination of Rabin is less likely to occur today than it was 19 years ago. But I refuse to let that fact debilitate my sense of commitment and perseverance, not when I am part of a community of courageous and creative change agents in Israel who fight day in and day out to advance human rights, social justice and democratic values—not when I am part of a community of Americans like you who facilitate all these efforts through your generosity.

May all the good we invest in through New Israel Fund and otherwise allow us to say with confidence on November 4, 2015 that this sort of thing could never happen again in Israel. And, may Yitzchak Rabin’s memory be for a blessing.